It was time to search again.
That was when I had a Sunday, with no work, the kids were with their Dad and the Mind, Body & Soul Fair was on.
I drove up to Glasgow and arrived actually before they were officially opened. {So unlike me to be early} I had one destination in mind! I went straight to one woman's stall, called Aura Video. I had eyed it every time I went to the fair. And Her stall was always busy, normally I would have already spent whatever cash I had taken, so if I started there first, I was guaranteed to have money in my pocket to get the benefit of this technology! This beautiful woman had several ways of working with her device, she did a postcard, then a short chat about what the shape size and energy of each chakra was. Then she did a full paper print out and a bit longer chat. The most expensive choice, was the full printed report, and 15 minutes of her time. That was the decision I made, the most expensive, but totally worth it!
So, I was told to sit with my hand over some electronic metal pads. Then there were a few adjustments and then I was told to come over and sit next to the talented Joan Frances Boyle.
The picture was not attractive, my aura was yellow and murky grey. Then there was the issue of this most recent incarnation of me, very overweight and my face was strained by the weight of pain and deep hurt. My first question for Joan was, is a past life, holding me back?
Now, I must tell you, I had been searching for sometime. I had learned some ideas on incanation and what lies beyond your realm of existence. But I truly have so much yet to learn!
Joan, agreed and showed me the dark grey lines particularly at the sides of my aura which meant past life issues, holding me back.
Joan, spent a great deal of time with me on that day. As I said, I went up early on Sunday, and was the first 'costumer' in the door. Usually, this woman and her machine has a queque of people waiting. So, when my fifteen minutes were up, her little stop watch timer gave an alarm, she turned it off and she just carried on. Joan had many revelations for me that day.
But, the first parts of our discussion, were heavy. I was in tears as she asked me about my heart pain. She told me that the originator of my heart pain, my Father had come here to give me a powerful lesson. I needed to learn to go after what I wanted in just the same selfish and determined manner as my father. That concept is something I still struggle with. My mother would always demand of us to think of others, to offer up our lives, words and deeds for the needs of the many. So, to just Steam roll my way through others would be asking me to change my basic template. I really hated my father's ability to treat others like 2 dimensional paper dolls. Also, for me to think the I am the centre of the Universe would mean a total reversal of inner mental map. And the dialog in my head went something like this, that cannot be right! to behave like him? He hurt so many people? He nearly destroyed my mother? He almost completely crushed my stepmother? How can his way of behaving be the way forward for me?
Then, Joan she took my hands and looked deep in my eyes and told me"pure divinity runs from your heart to your hands, you are a healer." Unlike the guidance of the words before, this was said with total compassion. As if what I had was truly amazing.
So, you have to picture this scene, because I had been in tears as I opened up the deep wounds in my life and heart to this woman. And now she was telling me, basically, what I think I had been longing to hear. Someone saw inside of me, to that place where my real special, true beauty is.
If like, Sleeping Beauty, I was waiting for that loving kiss to awaken me. To get me to live the life I was created for, this was the guidance I had been looking for. {I have been on the edge of this concept and I have done several college courses in Holistic therapy so I actually had the skills to promote health and assist others to return to homeostasis.}
Back when Symbol and I started spending time everyday together, I remember really freaking out. I didn't know what to focus on for my major, I didn't want to do a Theatre Degree, I didn't know if I should leave the college and purse a place at an arts college in Cleveland. I wasn't convinced that I could sing well enough to really make a go as a singer, yet I had many musical talents and courses.
I was desperate for this type of clear guidance.
This was most likely the reason I stayed with Symbol. He had clear views as to what he wanted to do. Sure, he couldn't get a job doing anything other than washing dishes! But I was desperate to find significance, love, and any clue as to how my myriad of talents could be used in a successful way.
This knowledge was still years away.
So, back to that Sunday, and Joan Frances Boyle hands me a slip of paper informing me of her healing website and that she does indeed have a Past Life healing therapy. So, at least I have a few answers. My next stop that fateful morning was to a stall where the Ladies were offering tester treatments with Quantum Wave Lasers. I had been talking to another therapist about the concept of healing Lasers. The idea being the Laser helps the cells to release the trauma, once the trauma is released then the divine set point, or the original programme within the cell should be free to run. Which should ensure every person a chance at perfect health and energy.
After I left the Mind, Body & Soul Fair that day, I was in a great mood. The sun was shining, I still had a little more than an hour until the kids came home, so I started writing. I wrote about all sorts of things I remembered, about my most recent infatuation. How I could see the similarity of his actions and my Dad's. I wrote for more than an hour and probably could have carried on, if it weren't for my children bringing me back to reality.
I saved up some money and booked the Past Life healing session with Joan.
It was the most fascinating, shocking and out of my normal range of experiences. Remember, I had spent a couple of years studying Holistic therapy and Reiki. This therapy session helped me to understand with clarity why I am the way I am. Why I have certain very particular likes. Again, Joan was very generous with her time. As she explained to me, she would open a channel and tell me what spirit showed her. She would not retain any memory of the session and it was her usual way to preserve some of the information for the client, she offers to record the session.
Now, it transpires that in time before this reality, I was very young. So young that I cannot recall my mother nor my father. I remember though playing freely in the expansive blue sky. I was then tethered to others, young like me. We were given sacks to wear, no shoes, as we were to harvest from deep with the sulfur mines. In the mines, there is no sun shine, there is the pervading smell, and it clogs our lungs, and the pores of our skin. We are to just walk on hard stones and mine 'the sought' and hand it unto one another. We have no explanation for why we do what we do. We are beaten, we are kept as hungry as possible, yet still living. Hands are deformed by manner of crushing the middle finger, until it is removed and then the wound is cauterized by means of a hot metal.
In time my body manages to menstruate. I am taken, in a rough and coarse manner. I am scrubbed and washed, with the same callous nature. For the first time I sit, alone and in awe of being clean.
This next chapter I would like to close quickly, but my wrists are tied to my ankles by means of strong vines. I am placed in a room to be sexually abused, also, if I try to rest, as in, lay on my side and not be in the forced animal position, I am beaten.
Then I am taken, as I walk in this manner of wrists bound to ankles, I look up and see statues of animals with Man heads. I am led into a chamber where all are chanting, they are all on a tier above me. I am put on a table. The Leader is wearing a gold mask. My bindings are cut and as I stand for the first time, the pain of straightening my back causes me to pass out.
I awaken to see the Big Blue Sky above me. {The Big Blue Sky, my friend and my source of joy.} Then the leader rips my abdomen open, as I scream in pain, I am told to be quiet as the knife cuts upwards. I continue screaming, and the Golden Masked man reaches within me, removes from me, my unborn child. This he thrusts in my mouth. As he continues with his work, he tares open my chest and lifts my heart towards the opening, where the Big Blue Sky witnesses all.
After this session, both Joan and I are in tears. She tells me about certain aspects after the channeling is over. I know, even now, any time I glimpse the blue sky I know that is where my soul soars. I understand why I have been a victim so often in this life. I ask her, was I bad? Had I done anything to deserve this treatment? {All victims ask this} The answer is always, No. I hadn't been bad before. That life, had been hijacked and my lesson and gift through it, is that I had the strength to endure.
I feel for sure, my twin sons and I were together in that first tethered group. As after they were born, we were always together, we are very close and it explains the bond that we have, which is more than I could explain.
Joan says, the unborn child, . . . that child is ready to be born. She wants me to see it is time for me to be reborn. It is time for me to give my joy, hopes and gifts the life they have come through for.
If you doubt you have purpose, don't.
You may not see it now! Learn from my mistakes, don't let another hijack your life, for a year, or more. No one is more important than YOU! If your friend or Lover, doesn't see how amazing you are, then consider. . .
Consider, they had lesson for you, or perhaps you had a lesson for them.
But if you are not honoured for your pure Divinity? Then I truly believe you are better off on your own.
I write these words, and hope that you are living with Love in every corner of your life. True friends, true confidants, true love & trust in your home.
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